he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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