Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
