I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Couch. On fire.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
