Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
