Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
