I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
