My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
