The maid of honor just puked.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
