Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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