There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
