I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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