i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
