I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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