Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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