she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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