I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
