she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
