If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Of course I have a pirate flag
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
