Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
