I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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