I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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