btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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