Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
