That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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