I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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