I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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