do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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