I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize