I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
