She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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