in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
