I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
