Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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