Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
