How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
