if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
