Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
