Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
