So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
