i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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