Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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