Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
