what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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