glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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