I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
