all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
