This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
