I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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