mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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