Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
