It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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