none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
