My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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