my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
