i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
