My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
