Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
