did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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