i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
