Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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