Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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