Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
