Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
