So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
