I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
