In the future we'll all be gay
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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