hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
