is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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