There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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