so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
