My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
