Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
